Poison & Wine

My heart has been heavy with this song. I love this duo group and I had not put thought to the weight of these lyrics until I was driving back from work last night. I suddenly felt my heart pulled apart by its contradictions and I found tears streaming down my face.

I don’t love you, but I always will.

This is the feeling I am experiencing. I know that I will always love him for every bit of happiness he gave me, but right now, I cannot seem to find that I can love him–yet, I still care about him so much. But fervently love? Maybe with time once my wounds heal I will be able to smile wholeheartedly and say that I have the strength to love him, but to love is to be vulnerable. And though I want to be open and not close myself off from love, I cannot do this yet.

He took all of the trust I gave him.

He took all the love and faith I put in a partner.

I do not regret any of it. I am just saying that it is so fucking hard to say that I love him right now.

And yet, I know that I will always love him–just not now.

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