I’ve had this thought now for days: After several trials of living and learning (especially THIS year), I know now more than ever the importance of when you should and need to let go of people–when you need to simply accept that you (or others) have outlived each other and no longer serve a greater purpose in each other’s lives. I always heard how after people graduate, you lose contact with friends. I have found this to be true when these individuals where not really my friends to begin with or quite simply, we all went down different paths that inevitably led us to distance ourselves from one another. I get that, that’s a normal part of life. It happens.
But, to state that you care about someone no matter what happens, but they still do not reach out to you for months, in which I could see this happening for years later–for example, by not even saying happy birthday, or to just ask “how are you?”—doesn’t seem like a person I want to consider a friend. I mean, honestly it is NOT that hard in a world as technologically advanced as today to speak to someone and let them know that you’re thinking about them. I am sure many of us are no longer waiting for postage mail to find out how people are doing because… we record absolutely everything we do on a daily basis through pictures, statuses, and “checking in” to places. Believe me, I know I am guilty of that as much as anyone else. Everything in our society is instantaneous and it makes us kind of selfish and impatient when you think about it in the context of other things. For other tasks that are not so instantaneous where a smart device is not required, we tend to lose patience and we look silly when we do.
Ultimately, I feel as if social media has corrupted us in the ways in which we communicate and makes us lack that integral human connection. I think that I am not alone when I say that I am tired of the false friendships that reside on Facebook. I have grown tired of the notion that people want to be “my friend” because we have an ‘x’ number of friends in common, or maybe you just recognize my face or name but haven’t actually talked to me once, or we never even were friends to begin with, but you still wanted to see if I’d accept your request. I have come to realize that even those individuals that we hold onto in our social media affects how we view ourselves. I do my best to live as honestly as I can and I would say that honesty (or bluntness, really) is one of the highest respected virtues I admire in myself and in others.
Thus, for me to be “friends” with people that cannot be friends with me in the “real world” is such a huge waste of time. I don’t buy that load of crap where people say they are too busy. You are living right now so do something about it if you care about someone. Call them, meet up somewhere–have that FACE-TO-FACE interaction that makes us human, rather than some bionic robot that is distracted by whatever is going on a small screen instead of interacting with another human being. Believe me, I have JUST learned this lesson on a deeper level. Don’t hold on to people to just look at their newsfeed and posts or just because you went to college together. I learned the hard way. I held on to people that I thought would be my friends forever, but honestly, they were just my friends out of association from him. I still care for them, but why literally hold on to them if I can see that the truth was right in my face? In a way, it’s like they’re figuratively holding up space in my heart and mind when they haven’t shown me that same reciprocity. It is obvious that they were never my friends like they claimed to be.
And so, I think nobody needs people like that in their lives. Life is too short to hold onto those that are not there to support you, inspire you, make you feel important, or to remind you that you are loved when you think you are not… Maybe these are just ramblings of my 3AM aware self or simply the lessons I’ve come to observe in my life in getting my social work degree. They always say “self care is a crucial part of being a social worker” and goodness, is it true for any person! Who we surround ourselves with both in the context of social media and in the real world is a significant component to understanding and respecting ourselves. In general I guess, if you want to be in my life, BE in my life however you can. If that’s too hard, that’s all good too–I don’t have time for fake friendship shit anyway, so BYE 😀