Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.
The worry and anxiety are kicking in hardcore. I slept maybe around 4 hours last night even though that’s mostly my fault. Meeting with endocrinologist, talking with high school and life mentors, and listening to my best friend’s voice of reason I realize how many opportunities are out there. When I say opportunities, I mean job wise but also just future aspirations.
For such a long time I’ve been worried about whether or not I will be able to find a job, whether that will be here in Raleigh, or whether I will have to simply just move and pack away my life to a new and exciting place. Just yesterday I was talking with my best friend from my Catholic days and she’s always the one who I end up listening to the most in life. She’s always telling me that I’m much more than what I think I am, she’s always told me that the boys I date aren’t good enough, and she was telling me that if the opportunity presents itself now, I should leave this state like I’ve always said I would.
To hear someone who’s known me for over half my life tell me the things that I am incapable of believing and telling myself at this point, is such a huge blessing. I am naturally impatient with knowing and waiting for things to “naturally” occur, but I think that is the majority of us in this world.
The truth is, I’m scared out of my mind, but I’ve been told so many people that love and care about me that that is not a necessary thing to do. Tomorrow my mom and I are leaving to Chile, but we are leaving behind so many aspects that we are still anxious and nervous about. What all of that means it’s just that we cannot stop thinking about all of the money. All of the money that I need to be able to pay for an apartment that I’m not even gonna be in for 7 weeks, leaving money for all other bills that my mom usually covers, and just simply having some little money to move around Chile and buy a nice little souvenir.