Thursday morning I recently remember waking up startled by a dream; really it was a lack of dream, a lack of purpose.
Maybe this is my whole act of finding my place post-grad school and simply knowing that my place now lies at home in Burlington–not Raleigh. Also, this also comes with the notion that I am working in a coffee shop where I have kept quiet that I have a Masters and that I’m actually Hispanic though I look white–so yes, I understand everything our kitchen manager says, but she was on to me about the Spanish from the beginning.
My dream consisted of me being in a customer service role, surrounded by an older group of folks. They were talking in French amongst one another and I was able to pick up part of their conversation. Finally they realized that I could comprehend, but lacked the sufficient vocabulary to carry on a simple conversation. One older woman waved her hands gesturing for the group to end the French and everyone immediately switched to speaking English. They all asked me about my French and where I had learned, how long ago, had I finished school…
Finally, they asked: “honey, what does someone as young and beautiful as you want to do in life? What do you want to accomplish?” With that question, I hesitated desperately searching for an answer. Subconsciously, I knew I was dreaming then because I had actually wanted to hear what my subconscious self would respond. I didn’t have the chance to hear myself speak because it was at that precise moment that my Mom woke me up in real life.
So I wonder: is my subconscious trying to tell me that I need to just say all the things that come to my mind when I think of what I truly want to do; or, am I still unsure of what I really see myself doing with my personal strengths and interests?
I mean, how silly does it sound when I say that I want to do macro social work with nonprofit organizations, but would instantly do direct practice with #T1D families;
- That I want to write a book about my family’s struggles and small victories/my self love journey of learning my worth and value after the episodes of inevitable heartbreak/the cultural differences amongst my family and the many others that intimately surround us–the consequences of having such proximity to them
- That I want to desperately want to go back to school to get my Ph.D in a degree that will allow me to do qualitative research with T1D families–uncover their coping mechanisms, their victories, their needed areas of growth, and connecting them to resources that actually help
- That I honestly just want to learn how to to do cortados; know the difference of milk that is within a flat white versus a latte; know how to taste the difference between a Columbian coffee and Ethopian
- Dedicatedly focus on my craft by creating an art portfolio–have a good camera to capture my products; have the online space to promote my craft; have the capable software and computer to personalize my logos and website, while ultimately, having up the works in local coffeeshops.
- And so much more that I can’t even put into words…what’s listed are the main things 😊