There is too much to begin to elaborate, but I will leave it at this.

I hate boys.

I hate this notion that I want and need an additional moment of attention to feel a void filled. That is the most absurd thing I have heard. I did not use to be like this. But nowadays, I see any guy that looks like a familiar idea of what I imagine to want, and I lose it. My mind screams, “look at me! I am a good person. I am everything you may be looking for.” Then I need to pause and blindly slap myself for even thinking that shit.

If a super adorable guy is working across the coffee shop, but chooses to go and talk to this blonde, bohemian girl, it must be because he knows her or does not–but he was interested in her. In my mind, I applaud him for going up to her and with his own body language demonstrate that he just wanted to be around her. 15 minutes or so later, he goes back to his table to pick up hisbelongings in order to go sit with her. 

I realize that, in some weird fucked up way, is exactly what I want to happen to me. I just happened to have seen that occur with someone right in front of my table at a coffee shop. My life, my worth, I know is much more valuable than having some guy randomly come sit at my table because he was interested in me.


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