And this I swear, my love is true.
I want to wake up to you every single morning for the rest of my existence. To wake you by softly kissing your jaw and making my way down to that soft spot behind your ear, whispering words of love. Or waking you abruptly by rolling on top of you, softly biting your neck, and letting all my self-control be lost.
I want to do just that–lose my absolute control with you and hold nothing back. Please: have my love, have my words, have my body. Wrap your body around my own and embrace me with all your affection and kisses, wherever you wish to place them. Help me break down all walls to let you in.
I want to live passionately and lovingly with you, so that this ember is always fed, never burnt away with time.
I want to see the whole world with you, whether that be on our backpacking adventures in a distant land or a simple stroll through a park or at a farmer’s market where we can walk our chocolate lab. We can return to our home and make a meal together from what we have bought from farm to table–and I can imagine us playing in the kitchen like fools, making a mess that we will only need to clean up later. But all the while, we will be so fucking crazy about one another that we will no longer be hungry. We will have eaten each other up with endless kisses.
I want to be yours forever–legally-binded, in spirit, in body and soul, as your life partner, wife, supporter, and forever friend. I am inspired by what Alejandra envisioned: A small and intimate ceremony under the trees or by the mountainside, where I enter barefoot with a crown of flowers on my head; somewhere in between dusk with a full moon in rising. Except, I did always want to wear TOMS shoes at my wedding. That is a detail I have held onto since I was 17 and I am not ready to let that go, I hope you don’t mind.
I want to one day hopefully a bit farther down, bear your child. NEVER, in my whole life have I felt that yearning and joy in finding the man I love and actually wanting to carry his child. I swear, not even with him–I thought that was what I wanted years ago, but it was never true. I always wanted to feel that pride and protection, by I never felt that. Though you are far and I have only seen you once and this all sounds CRAZY, you transmit all those possibilities and feelings to me. And like I told you a few weeks ago, I would proudly and lovingly carry our child, [because I love you].
Right now, yes, I do wholeheartedly love you–I just need to tell you that in person. I need to look into your eyes and brush my lips over yours as I say those words, and then kiss you as I am sitting on your lap trying to be as close to you as possible. I imagine my heart will in some way, explode with every sense of ecstasy known to me, and I truly do not know what I will do then…just love you more…and probably bite your bottom lip as I kiss you again and again.