What once started out as a blog for processing my most recent break-up (March 2015), I thought I would have the time to write about my feelings, frustrations, memories, and reflections during my second year of my Masters Social Work Program.
I was wrong.
I barely even touched this blog. I was far too busy writing my research evaluation paper and punching bags (Krav Maga fitness) to actually sit with my feelings. The truth is I did not want to sit with the disappointment and hurt he had left in my life. Four years had taken its toll on me and upon realizing the vast emotional abuse that had been planted throughout our relationship, the last thing I wanted was to waste time thinking about him when he clearly was not missing me–in comes one of my old bosses from AppState telling me about my ex’s new relationship status a few months after our break-up. That was the last straw and that was when I refused to let an ounce of my being continue to “mourn” him. There are brief moments where I do remember him, mostly the inner voice I still have of him criticizing me, but I know that’s the least of my worries. It’ll all fade away.
Over a year has passed and my fitness classes, my awesome internship, support from friends and family, and the actual conclusion of my Masters program has brought me the most surreal feelings of relief and awe. I have looked back to the person I was just one year ago–insecure, bending over backwards to please absurd expectations others had of me, and being this vague, unhappy version of myself–and I look at myself now and think, DAMN girl. You have grown back stronger each day.
I have reflected through small pieces of my social media (mostly Instagram) with a quote that inspires me, when I have reached a new goal, photographed a new meal creation, and share thoughts with coffee-shop selfies since those places are my haven. These small segments of limited text characters have served as my outlet of greater reflection with all the lessons I have attained, while capturing glimpses of deeper appreciation in how things turned out. With a long chapter of my life coming to an end–educational career–I cannot help but think that there is a need to document the process.
What makes this an even more exciting time for me is that I will finally be going back to the Motherland of my parents–Chile. After not personally seeing my family for seven years and not having gone with my Mom in the last fifteen years, we will both be reuniting (and surprising!) some family members in as little as 2 weeks. The big day is May 13, a week right after my graduation. Given that now I will have time on my hands with getting away from the United States, finally having a break from school, and focusing on the exciting, yet terrifying job hunt, I want to write about the entire process and whatever is to come of it.
It’s still a self-love journey ❤